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Why you win if you make things simple

By on March 12, 2012 in Business, Career, Leadership, Priorities

When we take a look at all the commitments, responsibilities and relationships we have, life can start to look pretty complex.

If you’re not completely sold on that idea, just grab last year’s tax return. A tax return is just one small slice of life, but it’s a tricky and complex document in itself.

In that context, life always seems to be getting more complicated. As we move through seasons, we earn all new joys, opportunities, rewards, issues, frustrations and challenges.

On its own, life will always revert to the complex. That’s our nature. We put stuff on our plates without taking other things off. We keep saying yes without working hard at saying not now.

What that creates is an incredible untapped opportunity for people who make life simple.

Here’s why you’ll win if you can make life simple for other people:

1. You’ll be the contrarian.

As I’ve said, the current flows toward complexity; toward mess. The easy thing to do is plant another bush in a garden that’s already growing out of control. It’s another thing altogether to be the gardener who gets into the tangled mess and prunes, divides and removes.

2. You won’t have to fight to show your value.

While the other guys beat each other up over price, you get to sell something completely different. You sell peace. You sell a person’s time back to them. You make problems go away.

3. You’ll always be in demand.

To go back to the gardening metaphor, complexity is like weeds that grow in a garden. It’s rare to find a once-and-for-all solution. If you’re someone who makes selling a house easier, handling investments more understandable or fixing a car less of a hassle, you will earn repeat business. And people will talk about you to their friends, unless they hate their friends and like seeing them stressed out and overwhelmed.

The trick that we usually have to learn the hard way is that life gets better not as we cram more stuff into it, but as we learn to take everything but the most important stuff out of it.

What’s one thing in your life that could stand to be a little more simple than it is now?

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How to be different

By on March 5, 2012 in Intentional, Leadership, Priorities, Relationships

This one’s for me. A note to myself.

Don’t hide out being like everyone else. Be a breath of fresh air to the people closest to you and the world around you.

Be a giver. Give these things:

Encouragement. No one gets in bed at the end of the day and says, “People were way too nice to me today.” Encouragment, for some reason, is in short supply in our culture. For that reason, a nice word goes a long way.

Inspiration. People want to be a part of a big story. Help them see and connect to something bigger than themselves.

Accountability. People need to know that they matter, and that their actions have consequences. Accountability demonstrates commitment. Commitment communicates value.

Connection. People want to feel known. They feel safe when they’re linked to other familiar people.

Memories. Make scenes with people and for people that they will remember.

Grace. People expect an eye for an eye. They expect harm to be repaid with harm. Mess it all up by turning the other cheek. Give them grace.

Mistakes. The person who never screws anything up is the person who never tries anything. Show the world around you that it’s okay to try.

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Three benefits of being more authentic

By on January 3, 2012 in Choices, Leadership, MC

I’ve had several conversations with people lately about the idea of being more authentic.

I’m drawn to authenticity in other people. Even if I don’t necessarily see eye-to-eye with other people, as long as they own who they are, they get a lot of credit in my book.

I value authenticity and I’m drawn to it, but it’s something at which I have to work. It’s not natural for me. My tendency is to be a chameleon and be different people in different environments. But I’m working hard at it, and thanks to God’s sanctifying grace, I’m getting there.

In the context of relationships, here are three benefits of authenticity:

Being authentic sets realistic expectations. Here’s what happens if I’m not being the real me. Intentionally or not, I wind up communicating to you that I have skills, gifts, inclinations, attitudes, strengths, weaknesses, compassion, you name it, that I don’t actually possess. Somewhere along the way, the fact that I don’t truly have whatever the thing you thought I had is going to get exposed. Give it enough time and it’s just going to happen.

When that moment comes and you discover that reality isn’t what you thought it was, you’re going to be disappointed, because here’s the crash course on expectations:

  • What I received was better than what I expected = Great!
  • What I received was the same as what I expected = Okay
  • What I received was not as good as what I expected = Boo!
It will be hard to surprise people or shockingly disappoint them if you’re always the real you.

Being authentic gives other people permission to follow. It takes a few degrees of vulnerability to move from where most of us live toward a more authentic day-to-day life. But when you start being more authentic – showing people more of who you really are – they’ll follow. They’re just waiting on someone to go first. No one wants to be first. Be a leader and go first.

Being authentic lets more work get done. I knew something was bugging MC the other night so I asked her what was wrong. She explained the issue and then said:

“That’s what’s bothering me and I have no clue why it bothers me so much.

I loved that statement. We were able to talk through the why, which wound up being more helpful than trying to analyze the original issue. We got more done because we both knew what was really going on.

Does authenticity come naturally for you? 

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Wednesday wisdom

By on January 19, 2011 in Adoption, Daughter, Faith, Leadership, Parenting

How is it Wednesday already?

Even though the past week has flown by, I’ve still had a few minutes to read some good stuff. Here are a few of my favorite posts from the week:

Five plus yes by Shaun Groves. This is a very cool story about what happens when “your ability meets someone else’s need,” to borrow a line from the post.

Abandon crap by Kent Shaffer. My little daughter the artist gets so frustrated when her work doesn’t turn out perfectly the first time. I tell her that she gets closer to the work she wants every time she “messes up” but she doesn’t believe me. When she’s old enough for the word “crap” I’ll certainly share this post from Kent and the embedded clip featuring Ira Glass from This American Life.

Reverse judgmentalism by Pete Wilson. To whom do you find it most difficult to extend grace?

Who is one blogger who has made you think this week?

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What’s your sentence?

By on January 17, 2011 in Catalyst, Leadership

At Catalyst, Daniel Pink told the story of someone telling President Kennedy that he was trying to get too many things done. In this conversation with Kennedy, this person finally said:

“A great man is a sentence.”

The implication being that an effective person is one who is focused on one big idea, cause or passion.

I think I’m a series of paragraphs. I try to do so many things that none of them gets with the excellence it deserves.

Are you a sentence? If so, what is your sentence?

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Spectator to a great conversation

By on December 20, 2010 in Business, Leadership

Three friends of mine wound up at the same lunch table the other day. Two of these guys had never met, so I introduced them.

For the rest of the lunch, it was almost like I wasn’t there. These two guys who were just meeting each other for the first time shared stories about their work, their interests and people they knew in common.

It was a great conversation, and even though I was sitting right there I wasn’t really part of it. All I did was get these guys to shake hands and then get out of the way. For me, I was honored to be a spectator to a connection forming.

What about you? Have you ever seen something like this happen in your circle?

 

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Wednesday wisdom

By on December 15, 2010 in Inspiration, Leadership

I’m back with another edition of Wednesday Wisdom. I’ve got three good posts for you to check out and then I’m going to leave you with a tweet from a friend that’s been messing with me for about 10 days.

A post for leaders 55 and older by Brad Lomenick. I get the feeling sometimes that the older generation’s definition of leadership development is “shut up and pay your dues and we’ll hand you the keys to this thing on our way out.” This is a great post about what younger folks want today.

The impeded stream by Jo at Mylestones. Have you ever felt like you don’t know what to do? Like you don’t know which way to go? Check out the piece by Wendell Berry at the beginning of her post.

Positioned to be used by Lee Bezotte. This spring, we filled a rollaway dumpster with junk from our house. A dumpster. The whole time, I was thinking about the stuff that Lee writes about. Have a look at his post.

And finally, here’s an item that Tina shared on The Tweeter a week or so ago:

What do you feel entitled to and who in your life is paying for it?

What have you read this week that is making you think?

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Seeing past our blind spots

By on December 13, 2010 in Choices, Leadership

I was thinking about blind spots the other day.

We all have ‘em – things about ourselves that we can’t see but that other people can see clearly.

I think our blind spots limit us. They keep us repeating the things we’ve always done. They keep our minds occupied with the things we already know. They condition our hearts to follow a straight line.

There’s good stuff in me that I don’t even know is there. But Mary Craig and my kids and coworkers and Sunday School class and clients get to see it. They know it’s there. And it could change the world if I knew it was there.

But I don’t see it.

You’ve got that stuff in you, too.

There’s not-so-good stuff in me that I don’t even know is there. And unfortunately, Mary Craig and the kids and my coworkers and Sunday School class and clients get to see it. They know it’s there.

You’ve got that stuff in you, too.

With all that in mind, I wonder why it is that I want my friendships to be just close enough that I can rest in them but not close enough that folks have an opening to show me my blind spots?

One challenge for myself in 2011 is to find the space in a few relationships to talk about blind spots – the things we can’t see that might be keeping the best things in us from seeing the light of day.

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If you think you can

By on December 3, 2010 in Choices, Leadership

When I think I can

manage it all

keep up with it all

understand it all

do it all

I’m kidding myself.

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Wednesday wisdom

By on December 1, 2010 in Adoption, Career, Choices, Leadership

Here are a few great posts I read this week that I want you to see too:

How to Spot a Negative Nancy by Chad Missildine at The Way it Could Be. In my experience, usually the easiest way to spark a conversation with someone is to find a common gripe. That’s not the best habit. Chad’s post is helping me guard against being a constant critic or complainer.

Eeny, meeny, miny, mo by Greg Darley at GregDarley.com. If Switchfoot had decided to make “Dare You to Move” a blog post instead of a song, this is what it would say.

Did you work this weekend? by Allan Young at the SAMBA Blog. If you’re frustrated with your job, your schedule, the demands on your time – read this. Even if you’re not, read it.

Preaching on Orphan Care – James 1:27 by Zach Nielsen at Take Your Vitamin Z. Every so often, a wave of doubt about this adoption will crash over me and I’ll wonder what we’ve gotten ourselves into. I’ll question my own motives, my abilities as a parent and my strength to face all of the unknowns that are ahead of us. Zach’s post is a fantastic reminder of what we’re caught up in.

What have you read this week that made an impact on you?

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