Archive | December, 2011

If blogging is one of your resolutions, this might help

By on December 31, 2011 in Uncategorized

If you’re flirting with the idea if starting your own blog in 2012, let me say this:

Do it. For many reasons, it’s time well spent.

For some practical and philosophical help on how to get started, here’s a series I put together at the beginning of 2011 that you might find useful.

2007 was my year, is 2011 yours?

Getting started: I don’t have anything to say

Getting started: Create your blog

Getting started: But I can’t write

Getting started: Publicize your blog

If you take the leap, will you let me know? I’d love to be one of your readers!

 

Comments { 7 }

Deep relationships embrace personalities

By on December 31, 2011 in Relationships

When I was in high school, I had a friend who loved to be the center of attention.

He drove a big red 1970 Ford F100 pickup truck when everyone else drove Hondas, Jeeps and BMWs. He had the lead role in all the school plays. He wasn’t afraid to do what needed to be done to get a laugh, or more importantly in high school, a date.

There were times that my friend’s boisterous nature rubbed me the wrong way, mainly because when someone close to you wants to be the center of attention, sometimes you get dragged into it too.

Let it Be

At some point, I figured out I couldn’t change anything about my friend. The guy was just being himself.

What I know now is this:

You can transform a relationship simply by embracing the personality of the other person.

When you embrace the personality of the other person:

  • you stop expecting them to be an extension of yourself
  • you are better equipped to relate
  • you can more readily deal with him/her as a whole, rather than parts you like/don’t like

As we move toward deep relationships, I think we’ve got to value the people we’re going deep with by embracing their personalities.

Have you seen this principle at work in your own friendships / family / office relationships? What would you add to what I’ve said?

Comments { 2 }

Five things I know about being a husband: Listening

By on December 30, 2011 in Intentional, MC, Parenting, Relationships, Uncategorized

I wonder what Mary Craig’s response would be if you asked her:

“What kind of listener is Leighton?”

I’d rank myself a 7 out of 10. It’s not so much that I’m not a great listener as it is that I’m not a great retainer.

How good are you at listening?

I said, HOW GOOD ARE YOU AT LISTENING?!?!?!

One thing I know about being a husband is that there are benefits to having an active and disciplined ear. Here’s what I’ve learned:

I gain wisdom when I listen to my wife. Mary Craig and I view a lot of big life stuff similarly, but she consistently speaks works into our home about work, family, money, God – you name it – that help me see things I didn’t see.

I tell my wife I love her by listening to her. Here’s what I mean. You subtly (or maybe not-so-subtly) communicate your estimation of value to someone when you listen, don’t listen or half-listen to them. When I can drop all the distractions and engage with Mary Craig, I show her that she’s fully valued.

I can be a better dad by listening to her. Kids get really confused by inconsistency. If I’m not tuned in to what Mary Craig has already done during the day, we run the risk of being inconsistent when I’m around. Right now, when our kids are relatively young, inconsistency is just confusing to them. But as they get older, inconsistency will come back around and bite us as the kids learn to exploit it against us.

I get ideas for gifts by listening to her. I hate getting to a birthday, anniversary or Christmas and just hearing {…duuuhhhh…} when I try to think of something to get for Mary Craig. At some point, I figured out that I could look for clues about what she would like by simply listening to her. In everyday conversation, it’s common for us to talk about products we use that we like. Or things around the house that we’d like to replace. Or to daydream and look at stuff for the house online. I try to make mental notes of those things so that when it’s gift-buying time, I’m getting something she really wants.

I can lead my family better when I listen to her. Mary Craig’s entire day is about us. She really never gets away from us. I, on the other hand, am with the kids for about three hours a day. So while I’m called to lead our family, it would be absolutely pointless to try to lead our family without esteeming Mary Craig’s perspective as the person most heavily invested in our family life. She is in a better position to give insight about the pace of life, the needs of the family as a whole, and the needs of the individuals. I am a better leader – meaning I am better able to serve – when I give my wife my ear.

What did I miss? What other benefits – philosophical or practical – build up when there’s good listening happening in a relationship?

Comments { 0 }

Generosity leaves a mark

By on December 29, 2011 in Giving, Intentional

Not long after I settled in a new town and was gearing up for my first day in a new job, I did a little bit of side work for some friends while they were traveling.

When they got back into town, they thanked me and paid me for my work. I didn’t do anything with the envelope at the time, but when I got home I discovered that they paid me much more than I was expecting for the service I provided.

Flush with some unexpected cash, I was able to go buy a (very, very cheap) suit for the occasional days I needed to dress up for my new job.

To this day, I’m every bit as humbled by the generosity they showed me as I was when it happened more than a decade ago.

Generosity leaves a mark.

When I look around, I see that I’m surrounded by generous people. I can think of folks who have come along and given in big ways at a single point in time. I can also think of people who continuously pour gifts into our family.

I’m curious: Who has been generous to you? How has someone else’s generosity left a mark on you?

Comments { 0 }

Stepping away from established habits

By on December 28, 2011 in Experiences

At least three days a week, I follow the same black Saab to work.

He pulls out of his neighborhood just as I’m approaching and then we share the road for a series of turns and traffic signals. After about two miles, the black Saab turns into an office park and I continue another mile to my office.

For a long time, I used the pity the guy.

I’d think, “That poor guy. His life is so regimented. He hits the exact same traffic lights and pulls into his office at the exact same time every single day. His scenery never changes.”

And then I remembered that I’m living a carbon copy of his morning routine, only a mile longer.

The reality is that a lot of us live our lives that way. We stick to the grooves that are already worn. We maintain our rhythms. We make the turns we always make and arrive at our usual destinations.

Rich experiences demand more.

Why not try something different?

  • Drink your coffee in a different room tomorrow morning.
  • Take a different way home from work.
  • Let your spouse pick the next book you read.
  • Sign up for that conference you’ve wanted to attend.
  • Eat at a mom and pop place instead of a chain restaurant the next time you go out.

I don’t know if you would call any of those “rich experiences,” but they definitely demonstrate a willingness to intentionally step away from established habits and patterns so that eventually the scenery around you might change.

What are a few small things you could do to intentionally add some spice to your day/week/month/year?

Comments { 0 }

Notes from the infirmary, post-Christmas edition

By on December 27, 2011 in Christmas, Daughter, MC, Son

It’s the day after the day after Christmas, and I’m using my last vacation day to hang out at home with Mary Craig and the kids.

With this nasty sinus infection junk MC and I have been fighting, this break has been a bit of a blur, but it certainly hasn’t been a waste. Here are some notes from the last few days:

We had a date night on Thursday. We planned to go get sushi and see a movie, but our regular sushi place was slammed (on a Thursday?) so we tried a newish place called Jade’s Market. Great food and we had the place to ourselves. After dinner we went and saw Young Adult.

I took Friday off from work, but I met some friends for breakfast at Waffle House. In nearly two decades of loyal Waffle House patronage, until Friday I’d never actually eaten a waffle at Waffle House. You folks should check out the Pecan Waffle as sort of a post-breakfast dessert.

MC mentioned that she had a few last-minute items she needed to pick up on Friday, so the kids and I played and she wandered off in her Odyssey to shop. Almost before I knew it, she was back. She went where she needed to go and got exactly what she needed. Even at the peak of Christmas crazy, the woman can’t be stopped. Amazing.

We might be coughing. We might be sniffling. But we sure as heck aren’t starving. Through the haze of augmentin and OTC cold meds, MC has kept us in homemade soups and lasagna. And last night with my parents, my dad cooked up his signature spicy garlic butter shrimp pasta for our (delayed) Christmas Eve dinner.

My parents got me and my brother our own red Swingline staplers. I love this gift.

I got some other cool stuff too. I’ll be brewing Project 7 for the next year. And I get to run wild and free on iTunes for a while. Ooh, and we’re an Apple TV family now too.

The boy emerged from his room at 6:30 yesterday morning and proclaimed: “No clothes at all for me today.” That doesn’t sound great the first time you hear it, but what he meant was that he wanted it to be a pajama day. And until it was time to head to dinner, he got his wish.

Daughter received a massive stack of fairy books and is toting around notebooks, recording facts and observations about fairies from the books she’s reading. She keeps saying: “I don’t know why, but I just like having lots of notebooks to write in.” It’s called DNA, friend. You get that from your daddy. There’s nothing like a fresh notebook or empty page.

I made an emergency trip to the grocery store for milk, bread, cat food and flour tortillas yesterday. I took the baby with me. I’m so in love with her.

Okay, that’s it for now. How has your Christmas been?

 

Comments { 4 }

Mixed up Christmas

By on December 26, 2011 in Christmas, MC, Parenting

Last year’s Christmas was punctuated by a late-night Christmas Eve trip to the ER to have the boy’s head stitched up.

This year’s Christmas Eve started with me and Mary Craig at the walk-in clinic with matching sinus infections.

It hasn’t been the Christmas you would script out if you were planning the perfect Christmas.

In fact, for the past week or so, germs and illness have goofed up a lot of our family plans, as all of the kids and my parents have succumbed to illness. We’ve missed parties, church, and our traditional Christmas Eve meal together.

But we’ve still been trying to make some magic for the kids. After our run for our prescriptions on Saturday, we made a lap through Krispy Kreme for some Christmas Eve doughnuts with the kids. Later in the day, we made reindeer food and scattered it in the yard and Rudolph and his buds. And after a hearty chicken soup dinner, we bundled up on Christmas Eve and took a walk around the neighborhood to look at Christmas lights. After the kids were in bed and everything was in place, we put in Love Actually and watched until we fell asleep. Christmas classic.

On Christmas morning, we discovered Santa visited and the kids had a big time opening their gifts. Son revealed to us that he woke up at 4:42 a.m., but waited patiently until 6 a.m. to come downstairs to check on the grownups. By 9 a.m., all the gifts were open, everyone was fed, and it was time to play with some new toys. For the boy, the highlight of the day was a new Nintendo DS game system. And a foam sword. Daughter’s big gift was a sewing machine. And the baby got a big girl chair from Pottery Barn Kids and an American Girl Bitty Baby doll.

In a fantastic act of mercy, the kids were quiet entranced enough with their toys after lunch that MC and I were able to grab an hour’s nap. We dozed off watching the A Christmas Story marathon.

After rest time, we loaded up and headed to MC’s mom’s house for our first public outing of the Christmas weekend. We shared gifts with Nana and opened her gifts for us and then put a dent in a big ol’ lasagna MC made for the occasion.

By the time we got home from Nana’s house last night, the kids were fried. And so were we. So after the kids were in bed, MC and I made some tea, watched an episode of Portlandia, and then hit the hay.

Today, we’ll finally get to do Christmas with my parents. They’ve been through the ringer with some germy weirdness similar to what we’ve had, so now that they’re on the mend we can get together and do family stuff.

This Christmas isn’t at all what I would have planned. But it has been a great one.

Every year they just keep getting better.

Comments { 0 }