Archive | March, 2009

At MC’s 20-week ultrasound, the doctor noticed an abnormality with the size of the baby’s kidneys, so they asked us to come back at 28 weeks for a follow-up.

So last Friday, we got to have another peek at our little girl. We watched as the technician took measurements of the baby’s kidneys, arms, etc. The cool thing about the software they use is that it lists the measurements in weeks of development.

To give you a point of reference, on the day of MC’s appointment, she was 28 weeks 1 day.

The technicians are trained not to give away any medical data during the exam, but sometimes you can tell what they’re getting at by the questions they ask.

In our case, after we noted that some of the measurements didn’t match up with the 28 weeks 1 day we had in mind, the tech asked this telling question:

“So do you have big babies?”

As we held back laughter, MC said, “Oh yeah. 8-8 and 9-2.”

“Oh,” the tech replied.

We kept on watching as we saw numbers like 29 weeks 4 days and 30 weeks 1 day hit the screen.

A while later, we asked the doctor about the kidney measurements and he said they were perfectly fine. Then we asked him about the other measurements and if we should mentally move our due date up.

“Well, we certainly don’t want the baby to get too big,” he told MC. “It’s not best for any of us – you, me or the baby – for you to try to deliver a 10 or 11 pounder.”

MC answered with, “Uhh…YEAH.”

Clearly the doctor had attended his classes on understatement in medical school.

So it looks like we’ve got another solid one cooking in there. Let’s just hope she doesn’t get so big that she pops out with an iPod in her ears and asking if we’ll buy her the DVD of High School Music 9.

So…notice anything different?

That’s right – the butterflies are gone.  Hermano, who is the tech-savvy wind beneath my tech-stupid wings, uploaded (is that a word?) this new theme last night.

With a few clicks of a mouse, he put the most heinous and ill-fitted WP theme to rest.

I knew in my heart that the goofy butterflies were bad, but it wasn’t until I showed MC the new theme last night that I realized the depth of their badness.

“Look,” I told her, “Hermano fixed the template on my blog.”

I handed my iPhone to her to have a look.

“Oh thank God!” she said.

Turns out she had been politely tolerating the idiotic butterflies. Just like the rest of you.

Now that the design issues are worked out, I can focus on the real meat of this blog: intermittent, mediocre content.

I tweeted yesterday about the cookie dough truffles that MC made on Wednesday night. For those of you that don’t follow me on Twitter (leightonh), the verdict is that the cookie dough truffles are insanely good.

Some of you asked for the recipe, and I’ll be happy to oblige very soon. I just need to find a way to block access to the recipe for a certain reader that used my tweet as another excuse to rag on these ridiculous butterflies on my template.

Anyhow, the real reason for this post today is to follow up on a comment Jessica made on one of my food posts. She said all the food banter gave her a craving for a Bird Dog.

Many of you may not know what a Bird Dog is, since I’ve never seen it on a menu anywhere except the now-defunct Harry’s in Clinton, SC.

Put simply, a Bird Dog is everything that’s wrong with America and everything that’s right with the America, sitting on a plate.

Its construction is beautiful in its simplicity. Here’s how you make one:

Open a hot dog bun. Place a fried chicken finger where you would otherwise put the hot dog. Cover the chicken finger with honey mustard. Tuck a strip of bacon into the bun next to the chicken finger. Then melt cheese over the top of it all.

It’s heaven on a plate. But I bet the American Heart Association and I use different definitions of the word “heaven”.

Anyone else had a Bird Dog or seen one on a menu somewhere?

Writing last night’s post about waging war on my body with food seems to have sparked a change in direction for me.

Driving home from my meeting today, I stopped at a combination gas station/Burger King. I filled up the car and headed inside to get some fuel for me.

I was half a breath away from ordering what must be the epitome of culinary lunacy: the Angry Whopper.

But just as my lips started to shape the word “Angry” something strange happened. I heard a clear voice coming from my brain.

It said, “That might not be the best idea. The Angry Whopper and two and a half more hours of driving don’t mix.”

And I listened. I controlled an impulse for once. How ’bout me?

MC and the kids left for the beach a week before I did. In this crazy world we live in it’s nearly impossible to find an employer that will let you disappear for two weeks at a time, so I just did a one-week vacation.

Before she left, MC bought me a few extra groceries and alerted me to some frozen meals I could thaw and cook. My parents and some friends took pity on me and hosted me for several meals, but I was on my own for a handful of lunches and dinners.

I started the week with the best of intentions. I really was going to get a lasagna out of the freezer and eat on it all week, but laziness and impulse got the best of me. So on my way home from work Monday night, I called in an order to our neighborhood Chinese place.

After lunchtime on Tuesday, my college roommate emailed me and told me that for his lunch, he walked to the CVS next to his office and bought a bag of Reese’s Peanut Butter Eggs. He’d already eaten four when he emailed me. “Top that,” he said.

Not to be outdone, I quickly answered with a litany of unhealthy food choices I’d already made in a week just a day and a half young.

Our back-and-forth continued all week long. Here’s how it played out:

Me: I like the sack of candy for lunch. Well played. I gave some love to Five Guys. That’s only because I did McNuggets for lunch yesterday. I’m such a redneck.

Him: Well done. Rock beats scissors with the FG/McD back-to-back display but I’m going through this at the mercy of the redneck court. I had a salad for lunch yesterday but last night I walked over to a sports bar on 18th St. and sat there at the bar (by myself) from 7-8 p.m. and had 2 Miller Lites and a dozen 35-cent buffalo wings – all because when I drove by on my way home I saw a sign outside advertising Miller Lite and 35-cent buffalo wings. Paper beats Rock?

Me: I’d dismiss wings and beer as being a little cliche, but then I have to consider: 1) eating alone, and 2) total impulse decision. When you factor those things in, you’re looking strong. I might have had a case with my impulse Chinese (egg roll, wonton soup, roast pork w/mixed veg) for $7 last night, but that doesn’t hold a candle to your dinner. And your salad cancels out my 3-mile run last night. Here’s what I think will settle all of this: what kind of sauce did you get on your wings?

Him: It sounds like this is to be decided later this week. I will have to come up with something huge though because $7 Chinese combo is taking it up a notch. Not sure why the hell you were running so far but I’ll let that slide. Funny story on the sauce. Here’s how it went down:

Bartender: What’ll I do you for?

Me: I’ll take a Miller Lite please.

Bartender: Anything to go with that?

Me: Umm, yeah…how about this fried motz sticks special and 6 of the teriyaki wings.

Bartender: Sure, but I’ve gotta let you know the 35-cent special only applies to wings in the spicy buffalo sauce.

Me: Odd. But sure, load me up with buffalo sauce.

Bartender: And oh yeah, the 35-cent special only applies when you order 12 wings.

Me: Jeez, OK. Sure. Whatever. Give me a dozen buffalo spicy style wings. And another Miller Lite because I’m almost done with this one.

Then he attached a picture of his dog sitting in his office.

Me: Did you think that if you distracted me with a picture of a lovable dog I would somehow overlook the fact that your first instinct was teriyaki wings? Here’s another way we could go at this: what were you watching at the bar? I ate my Chinese in front of the dramatic finale of Tool Academy. Watcha got?

Him: We have a winner! Tool Aacademy beats College of Charleston vs. Chattanooga any day. I’m up to 6 peanut butter eggs now…even the dog wants me to stop.

He attached a picture of the Reese’s bag with all the empty wrappers.

Me: I’m kinda ill just looking at that. I love that you couldn’t even be troubled to throw the CVS bag in the trash.

On Wednesday I texted just after lunch:

Me: Zaxby’s. Just ate the five tiniest pieces of chicken I’ve ever seen. Ripoff at $5.69.

Him: Not bad. Assuming they were fried we are likely tied going into dinner. Coffee and peanut butter egg for breakfast and a burger and chips at a diner for lunch.

Me: I’m in the clubhouse with corned beef and cabbage at church tonight.  You’ve got the entire back 9 to make your move.

Him: I have no problem topping that. I’m on my own for dinner again tonight so the wind is at my back.

Later that night, he sends me a picture of a frozen pizza with a Nascar driver on the box.

Me: T goes low with the Nascar-endorsed Totinos party pizza. I’m already working on tomorrow’s game so don’t sleep too easy tonight.

Him: Don’t even try to talk a big game – I’m in airports all day tomorrow so I can pull out a lot of messed up sh*t.

Me: Airports. Dammit. If you drink two beers before noon I’ll concede the day to you.

Him: It’s possible.

On Thursday morning, I email him a picture of a Waffle House menu.

Him: Wow. That’s going to be extremely hard to beat. I’m a lap down and the green flag hasn’t even been waved. So far I’m only into 1 cup of Starbucks so you have a tremendous cholesterol lead. I’ve got my eyes on lunch at Dulles and dinner in the Denver airport so I still have a slim chance to rebound.

Later that afternoon, he emails:

Him: Bacon cheeseburger and bloody mary in the airport

Me: Bacon cheese and bloody mary? Nice technique. I had McNuggets at a McDonalds attached to a gas station and a slice of someone’s birthday cake when I got back to the office.

Him: You’ve clearly won today with a Waffle House/McD double play. I’ll concede but not before ordering a piece of cheesecake for dessert.

On Saturday morning, I emailed him a picture of the sausage, bacon, egg and cheese panini I had for breakfast at California Pizza Kitchen in the Charlotte airport.

Him: CPK for breakfast. That’s tough to beat. I wussed out and had salmon, fruit and a melon smoothie. I just set myself back light years. Body is confused.

So even though I didn’t stick to my intentions of sparingly eating the food we already had in the house, the week wasn’t totally wasted, because – by a thin margin – I may have out-rednecked my college roommate with my food choices. And that’s worth something, right?

We’ve been on vacation. And now we’re back.

After a few hours of sleep and church on Sunday, now I’m on a business trip. And since I’ve got a nice big block of time to kill tonight, I’m writing a few posts for the week ahead.

Talk to you soon.

A few more things:

Old movies

Most museums

Bruce Springsteen

Traveling to non-English speaking countries

What else ya got?

This post is going to make me sound like a jerk, an idiot or both.

Do you feel like there are things that our culture tells us we’re just supposed to like?

Well, I’m going to start a running list of things I feel like I’m supposed to like but don’t. And if I name something that’s near and dear to your heart, please don’t take offense. This is all about personal preferences, and I respect yours.

With that said, here’s a few things I think I’m supposed to like but don’t:

New York City

Turkey (the food, not the place)

Cilantro

Networking time before meetings

Open bar/happy hour after meetings

LOST

Katie Couric

Robin Williams

Flour tortillas

Donating blood

That’ll get us started. What do you feel like you’re supposed to like but don’t?

I’m a bachelor for the week.

Not The Bachelor, mind you, just a bachelor.

This morning (around 4:30 a.m., to be specific) I dropped MC, the kids and MC’s mom off at the airport for a jaunt to the beach. So it’s just me until next weekend.

In the weeks leading up to their trip, I’ve pictured this weekend as one of superhuman productivity. I figured that without kids underfoot I could knock out a ton of stuff that needed to be done.

But so far, being faced with unlimited choices of things to work on has left me with a weird kind of chore ADD. I’ll do something for a few minutes and then switch gears to something else. So even though I stayed busy most of the day, I don’t have much to show for it.

Except I did watch almost an entire episode of Tool Academy. So I guess I’ll put a big checkmark next to that on my to-do list. And I did go for a jog to work off some of the ridiculous burrito I had for lunch.

Around 3 p.m., MC called to say that they arrived safely. And even though our 25 week old baby-to-be had sucked the life out of her for the day, she was getting ready to walk our adrenaline-powered kids down to the beach to play. She’s a good woman.

As for me, I’ve had all the fun I can stand for one day. I’m going to go set the clocks back and enjoy an extra hour of sleep!